No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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