I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
