I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
