Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
