it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
