My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Even my vagina gasped.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
