You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i drank out of a bidet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
