Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
