I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
