I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
