I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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