you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
