walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
