When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
