i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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