I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
