she was so not down for the gang bang
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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