Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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