My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
