that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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