Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
