Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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