i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the liver wants what the liver wants
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
