U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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