i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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