Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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