I bet he comes in French.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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