you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
