I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
