Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this just has baby written all over it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
