The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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