were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
