benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
