ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
