Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
