She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
