I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
