So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
