Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
