i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
