if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
