But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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