Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
