new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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