Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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