Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
