somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
