walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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