I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
