Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
