she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
