At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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