Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
