omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
