I'm gonna have a badass scar
why didn't you poke me back
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
