My friends, they love my intelligence
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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