Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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