Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
