I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
