Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
