Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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