oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
