my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
