opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
