there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
