respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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